Finding My Way

I like to read my horoscope a couple of times a week to see if it relates to what's happening in my life at the time. I'm not sure how much I believe in astrology, but it can be interesting when it seems to relate to what I'm feeling at a certain time. It also can be way off base.

Anyway, I checked my horoscope in the local newspaper one day last week and this is what it said: "You're becoming profoundly aware of what you really want in life. Things are occurring that make it hard to avoid that fact."

When I read that, my whole self sat up and took notice because that was exactly how I was feeling. I have become more aware of what I want in life especially lately. I don't know if it's because I had a birthday a few months ago or it's the pandemic, or maybe it's because my two co-workers are always talking about retiring. One is 61 so she is getting close to retirement, but the other is only 41. He wants to retire at 50 or 55 at the latest. 

For the last ten years or so, I've found myself thinking there has to be more to life than getting up, going to work, coming home from work, making dinner, doing housework, having an hour or so to relax, then off to bed to get up and do it all over again day after day after year after year. 

Even though I've been feeling that way for a while, I haven't really done anything about it. Just kept on living what one friend calls "a life of quiet desperation." 

I've been working much harder on my writing lately than I have in the past. I don't know if it's because of those reasons I listed above or that I'm back to my old self at last after the devastating loss of a loved one 6 years ago that led to depression, anxiety, and the loss of will to do anything but just get through the day much less write. 

It's been a long road back with a few setbacks along the way, but I finally feel like I can see the future. I don't want to spend it living in quiet desperation any longer.

Oh My Muse, Wherefore Art Thou?

I've always found revisions much easier than writing the first draft. The story itself is already down, revising is making sure everything makes sense, flows well, that there aren't any plot holes, or suddenly disappearing characters, spelling and grammar make sense and so on.

I can't say revisions have been easier than writing the original draft this time around. There are scenes in the current version that need major rewriting. I knew that when I wrote them. At the time, I was having trouble getting the scenes on paper so I wrote bare bones paragraphs and highlighted them in yellow so I would know these needed to be fleshed out. I also have a couple of places where I inserted the line, "Need better transition here."

I reached point where I needed to rework those scenes and transitions. I'd been struggling to get them to convey what I need them to. It felt like my muse had gotten tired of the cold and sleety snow and headed off to Hawaii without me.

I'd never really had a case of writer's block like this before. What to do? I tried taking a few days off in the past and found it makes it harder for me to get back to writing at all. There's always something that needs to be done that is ready to take over the time designated as writing time.

So I decided to borrow the mantra from Nike -- Just Do It. It was hard. I won't lie. Some days I think I spent more time staring at the blinking cursor than I did crafting sentences. But slowly, and I mean slowly - a snail could have outpaced me, the words started to come. After a couple of weeks, it got a bit easier and with each succeeding day, it's gotten a even easier. I'm still finishing up the last of the revisions but I'm feeling like my muse is home and we're back in sync.

Next up, tackling the dreaded synopsis for this book. (In case you don't know what a synopsis is - It's a summary of the novel's storyline which contains all the pertinent facts/information. Generally, it's not longer than two to four pages.) For me, it's hard to boil down everything I think is important in a 350 to 400 page book into 2 or 4 pages. But I'm not alone. Most writers hate writing them, even bestselling authors who on occasion still have to submit one.

Wish me luck.

Finding My Muse

Those of you who follow my blog know I've been struggling for some time to get words on paper.  Not just good words or great words, but any words at all. Someone once said, "you can't revise a blank page."  Truer words have never been spoken.

I've never been a big believer in writer's block. I've always felt if you sit down at the laptop or computer and write anything even if it's garbage you know you're going to delete anyway, the right words will come even if it takes a few writing sessions before that happens. Needless to say, I'm now a big believer in writer's block.

I've had a great deal going on outside my writing life lately that made it hard to even get to the laptop after the day job. It seems my muse decided this was the perfect time to go on vacation and not bother coming back. Starting today, two of the major causes of stress I believe killed any type of creativity I may have been able to muster will be gone. Gone.

This writer's block has gone on far too long. So, today I'm going hunting for my muse. I'm going to find her and bring her back, kicking and screaming if necessary because I'm determined to get back to work spinning stories and dreaming dreams.

Struggling to Write

Lately I've been struggling to write, not just getting the words down on paper, but getting my butt in the chair in front of the computer. I'm not sure why. It could be that there's been a lot of stress and tension at the day job and when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is sit down and write.

I find myself sitting on the sofa and visiting with my mom and complaining about my day. She's a great listener so maybe that's why I do it. Once I get all the frustration and aggravation I dealt with all day off my chest, instead of writing, I read. Maybe I feel like I need the escape. I'm not sure. But then I ask myself if it is for the escape, why don't I escape into the story I'm supposed to be writing?

Last week my critique partner had a commitment so we couldn't meet and I didn't write a single word. Not one. And I'm already well behind in the word count of this manuscript where I hoped to be by this point. The week before I only managed to get 4 pages written. I felt like I was letting my critique partner down coming with so few pages for her to review.

I need to break out of this slump before it gets worse. The thing is is I'm afraid until things change at the day job (which doesn't look like anything will be happening any time soon), my writing will continue to suffer.