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Monday, August 17, 2020

Finding My Way

I like to read my horoscope a couple of times a week to see if it relates to what's happening in my life at the time. I'm not sure how much I believe in astrology, but it can be interesting when it seems to relate to what I'm feeling at a certain time. It also can be way off base.

Anyway, I checked my horoscope in the local newspaper one day last week and this is what it said: "You're becoming profoundly aware of what you really want in life. Things are occurring that make it hard to avoid that fact."

When I read that, my whole self sat up and took notice because that was exactly how I was feeling. I have become more aware of what I want in life especially lately. I don't know if it's because I had a birthday a few months ago or it's the pandemic, or maybe it's because my two co-workers are always talking about retiring. One is 61 so she is getting close to retirement, but the other is only 41. He wants to retire at 50 or 55 at the latest. 

For the last ten years or so, I've found myself thinking there has to be more to life than getting up, going to work, coming home from work, making dinner, doing housework, having an hour or so to relax, then off to bed to get up and do it all over again day after day after year after year. 

Even though I've been feeling that way for a while, I haven't really done anything about it. Just kept on living what one friend calls "a life of quiet desperation." 

I've been working much harder on my writing lately than I have in the past. I don't know if it's because of those reasons I listed above or that I'm back to my old self at last after the devastating loss of a loved one 6 years ago that led to depression, anxiety, and the loss of will to do anything but just get through the day much less write. 

It's been a long road back with a few setbacks along the way, but I finally feel like I can see the future. I don't want to spend it living in quiet desperation any longer.

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