Changes

I've always thought I was pretty adaptable when it came to making changes. In recent days I've realized that maybe I'm not so good at it. Making changes is hard.

Things have been occurring in the last couple of  months that I've been trying to deal with. At the end of most days, I feel like I've spent the day dragged down and mired in mental quicksand. That I'm not really dealing with the issues but doing all I can just to keep my head above water, only to have wave after wave crash over my head, leaving me gasping for air and looking for something, anything to cling to. I'm not sleeping at night, only managing at most 4 hours of sleep which leaves me fighting to get through the next day. Some days I feel like I'm polishing the brass on the Titanic - a useless and futile task that's pointless.

All of this leaves me feeling exhausted. I'm tired of not being able to stop my thoughts from racing when I should be sleeping. I'm tired of feeling like some of the issues are things I can't control, I'm tired of the whims of others, and I'm tired of being tired.

So what can I do?  I'm making changes. Changes to the things I can control. Some of those changes will be easy, almost as easy as breathing. Some of them will be hard. Some may cost me friendships and some of them will seem almost impossible but I'm determined to follow through with them no matter how difficult it may be.  Why?  Because I've learned something that I should have known all along -- that I deserve to be happy.