A New Beginning

To paraphrase "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon - Another year is over and a new one has just begun. I did a lot of thinking last week about what I did and didn't accomplish last year. I also did a lot of soul searching. As some of you you know, the last part of 2014 was down right soul crushing. My family suffered the sudden loss of an 8 year old loved one. I spiraled into a deep depression. Every morning I found it hard to make myself get out of bed and face the coming day. I spent most of my days with an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, hating every minute I was forced to leave my house and face the world.

Someone said to me, "Grieve, stomp your feet at the unfairness of it all, but pick yourself up and move on. Happiness is a choice. There is a positive in every situation, you just need to look for it. Remember the good things and be happy." At first I was offended. What positive thing could there be in the sudden death in someone so young? It wasn't as if she was suffering or had a long, terminal illness. She was healthy and thriving, started vomiting, went into the hospital and a three short days later was gone.

My friend's words kept replaying over and over in my mind. While I still can't see the positive, I realized she was right. I need to move on and not feel paralyzed by what I lost or fear of the future. Of course this is so much easier said than done.

With that in mind, I decided that the new year is the perfect time to try and move forward. I've started keeping a gratitude journal - a daily journal in which I write three things I'm grateful for. I'll be honest and admit a couple of days finding those 3 things have been difficult, but I'm hoping as time goes on it'll get easier. I've cut those things and people out of my life that were negative or caused stress. I'm working hard on trying to be positive and having a positive frame of mind. I read somewhere that no one can change your life, but you. I really need a change especially after the last half of 2014 and that's what my focus for 2015 is going to be.

Here's to new beginnings while still remembering the wonderful parts of the past.

This I know for sure...

I've received a number of condolences from various people during the last couple of weeks. I know the thoughts and feelings behind the words are sincere and heartfelt, but there are a few well used phrases, I wish people wouldn't say. 

• She/he is in a better place. -  I understand what you're trying to say, but I will always feel that the best place for my loved one is to be with me in my life.

• Time heals all wounds. - I don't think this is true when it comes to death. I don't think anyone heals from or gets over the loss of a loved one. You just eventually learn to cope with the loss with some days being easier than others.

• At least she/he didn't suffer. - Is this supposed to make me feel better about losing the person? If the person did suffer before passing on, am I supposed to feel worse than I already do? Is that even possible?

• "I'm sorry to hear about your loss" or "I'm sorry to hear of your loss." - I'm a literal person by nature so when someone says this to me, it immediately offends me. Why? Because the speaker isn't saying he/she is sorry for the loss that I suffered, just that they're sorry they had to hear about it - I'm sorry to hear of or about your loss.
  

Maybe I'm just being extra sensitive because the loss is so fresh and raw, but having been on the receiving end of these, I now know I will never utter them to someone who is grieving for the loss of a loved one.

What's Up Wednesday

This week...

My current WIP (work in progress):  It has moved forward in drips. Concentrating and trying to get into the mindset of my characters has proven difficult. I did realize I have a major flaw that runs throughout a large portion of the book. Rather than stop writing and go back and fix it, (mainly because I want to finish this book already. It's taken me far to long to write the first draft as it is) I'm going to try to edit the pages already written while still pushing ahead with writing new material. Whether or not I'm successful in this will be another thing.

News from the publishing world: Harper Collins is starting to sell books directly from their website. Here's a link for a bit more information. http://www.digitalbookworld.com/2014/harpercollins-pivots-to-sell-print-and-ebooks-directly-to-readers-through-main-website/

Quote of the week:  “Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it.” ~ Unknown.  I think this says it all.

Health news: Sorry no health news this week. I just haven't been able to get to any of the journals I normally peruse.

Random things:  A few people have told me I've been having a string of bad luck lately. It all started on July 10th when I had a flat tire. Thankfully, the tire waited to deflate until I'd been home and parked in the driveway for a couple of hours. A few days after that, my mom slipped down the last few stairs in our house and injured her wrist. A day or so after that, my loved one became ill and as you all know passed away 2 days later. I don't know if I'd put everything I've been going through down as bad luck, but I'd sure like things to start looking up.

Random photo of the week: 

This was on Facebook a few days ago on a friend's page. Given everything that's been happening in my life lately, I thought it was entirely appropriate.