Monday, January 5, 2015

A New Beginning

To paraphrase "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon - Another year is over and a new one has just begun. I did a lot of thinking last week about what I did and didn't accomplish last year. I also did a lot of soul searching. As some of you you know, the last part of 2014 was down right soul crushing. My family suffered the sudden loss of an 8 year old loved one. I spiraled into a deep depression. Every morning I found it hard to make myself get out of bed and face the coming day. I spent most of my days with an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, hating every minute I was forced to leave my house and face the world.

Someone said to me, "Grieve, stomp your feet at the unfairness of it all, but pick yourself up and move on. Happiness is a choice. There is a positive in every situation, you just need to look for it. Remember the good things and be happy." At first I was offended. What positive thing could there be in the sudden death in someone so young? It wasn't as if she was suffering or had a long, terminal illness. She was healthy and thriving, started vomiting, went into the hospital and a three short days later was gone.

My friend's words kept replaying over and over in my mind. While I still can't see the positive, I realized she was right. I need to move on and not feel paralyzed by what I lost or fear of the future. Of course this is so much easier said than done.

With that in mind, I decided that the new year is the perfect time to try and move forward. I've started keeping a gratitude journal - a daily journal in which I write three things I'm grateful for. I'll be honest and admit a couple of days finding those 3 things have been difficult, but I'm hoping as time goes on it'll get easier. I've cut those things and people out of my life that were negative or caused stress. I'm working hard on trying to be positive and having a positive frame of mind. I read somewhere that no one can change your life, but you. I really need a change especially after the last half of 2014 and that's what my focus for 2015 is going to be.

Here's to new beginnings while still remembering the wonderful parts of the past.

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