Writing...Or Trying To.

The sudden death of my family member has thrown me for a loop. It was so unexpected and she was very young. I'm finding it hard to concentrate or focus on anything. One day last week I found myself staring into the cupboard looking for laundry detergent which is always kept in the basement on a shelf next to the washer and dryer. I don't know why I thought I'd find it in a kitchen cupboard. Even though being at work during the day helps keep my mind busy, I feel as though I'm walking around in a fog with the slightest things setting me off on yet another bout of tears. 

In the past, I've read items by other writers who took solace in their writing during a family member's long illness or after the death of a loved one. I remember one particular moving post about how the writer sat at her father's bedside while he was in hospice care. She dealt with the sadness of what her father was going through by escaping into the fictional world of her characters. 

I wish I could be that type of writer. This is by no means a condemnation of writers who write while grieving for their loved one, but I found it almost impossible to get into the mindsets of my characters. Writing even this post was difficult. Actually writing anything, even the grocery list, has been hard, if not next to impossible this past week. It was a struggle to put down the 100 words per day required to keep my 100 day challenge going. I have to admit I did not write at all the day my family member died or the day after, but am trying to continue with the challenge. I keep telling myself every day will get easier both in writing and life in general, but right now it's hard to imagine.